The church has recently devoted much attention to the subject of Christian marriage. This was an area often neglected in the history of the church. Yet today one cannot walk into a Christian bookstore without seeing dozens of books devoted to the topic.
Almost all the books on Christian marriage today share a fundamental presupposition; one that we must question this morning. Let's see if you can discern what that presupposition is as I read you a few titles from some well-known Christian authors known for their expertise in this area.
Do you hear it? The assumption of these authors is that the problem with Christian marriages is fundamentally a practical problem. You just don't know how to have a good marriage. But if you learn and implement these practical principles you will then have a successful marriage.
Now don't get me wrong. I am not suggesting that there is nothing of value in these books. One author makes the point that a wife needs to be encouraged and touched seven times for each one word of rebuke or critique. Maybe some of you wives would like the name of that book. Some wives might not relish the idea of seven hugs simply because their husband read that he should do so in a book.
But when we come to Ephesians chapter 5, the Apostle Paul approaches the topic of marriage from a completely different presupposition. He does not approach Christian marriage practically, but theologically.
Missing from Paul's treatment of the subject is anything akin to what we would call "practical." While most of the principles in those books I mentioned could apply to believers and unbelievers alike, Paul's treatment of the subject is entirely and exclusively Christian. Though solid families may be the building block of a strong society, that line of thinking is outside the Apostle's thought here in Ephesians 5.
Paul instead seeks to completely transform your thinking about Christian marriage. Husbands and wives in the church are to think exclusively in Christian terms as they relate to one another. The Apostle describes marriage as a mystery. Now some of you husbands say you've known that for a long time. That's not what he means.
We might be tempted to accuse the Apostle of losing his focus in this section if we are not sensitive where he is taking us. Verses 22-33 deal specifically with the topic of husbands and wives, yet he spends most of his time speaking of Christ and the church. To the Apostle every aspect of Christian marriage is affected by the understanding of who Christ is and who we are in Christ. It is here that the key, if I may, is truly unlocked.
Out of these twelve verses only two commands are found; each repeated twice; wives submit to and reverence your husbands, and husbands, love your wives. The majority of the passage deals with the theological purpose and motivation behind these two commands.
Paul begins by addressing the wives. Feminist theology would have us believe that the Apostle promoted female submission because like his contemporaries, he was absorbed by the male-dominated culture of his time. Paul's intentions were noble, they tell us, but like all of us he was a product of his environment.
That the Roman world had a low view of women is not in doubt. Consider the words of the Roman writer Kato; "If you are to catch your wife in an act of infidelity, kill her without a trial. But if she catches you, she would not venture to touch you with her finger, she has no right." Aristotle taught that men must rule women because women were inferior to men by nature, as a slave was naturally inferior to his master.
But Paul breaks ground with the culture by addressing the women as members of Christ's church, with the same responsibilities and moral abilities as the men. Notice that Paul does not command the husbands to bring their wives under submission, but instead he instructs the wives to voluntarily submit themselves to their husbands. He does not insult the wives' intelligence, but desires for the women to consider the deep theological implications of their relationship to their husbands. Paul sees submission as a result of a willful and even joyful response to these theological truths.
What then is to motivate the wives' submission? "The husband is head of the wife, just as Christ is also the head of the church. He Himself being the Savior of the body." It is her Savior Himself who is calling on her to do this. When a husband leads his wife the Christian woman with ears of faith hears her Savior leading. This is how her Savior has chosen to lead her. As she submits to her husband she is resting in her Savior's good will for her life. She submits not first and foremost because of her love and respect for her husband, but her love and respect for her Savior.
Now, that the wife is not tempted to focus on the fallibility of her husband, the Apostle adds the phrase, "in everything." The wife is to submit to her husband in everything. Of course we interpret Scripture with Scripture, and this everything does not include violating clear commands of God. But in all other things the wife is to submit, as in all things the church is to submit to Christ. To not submit to your husband in all things suggests that there are some areas that the church does not need to submit to Christ.
But Paul's motivation to the wives goes beyond knowing that Christ leads them through their husbands. He now draws the wives deeper into the theological mystery of marriage.
The motivation for submission is found in the very purpose of Christian marriage itself, seen here in the Apostle's repeated use of the phrase, "just as." The husband is the head of the wife, "just as" Christ is the head of the church. Paul will bring back the "just as" for the men.
As Christian husbands and wives fulfill their appointed roles, they enter into the mystery of God's own redemption. When husbands love and lead, and when wives submit and respect, they daily enact the great drama of redemption to their children, their church and the world. As the children witness their parents' relationship, God uses this to instruct them of the great redemption He has called them to own for themselves.
Thus the grand purpose of Christian marriage is to display the gospel of Jesus Christ to the church and the world. This purpose transcends all cultural necessities for marriage. Christian marriage displays to all the grace and glory of the Lord Jesus Christ. Can there be a more glorious purpose?
Thus when the Apostle addresses the husbands, he writes, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Husbands, how does Christ love his church? By sacrificing for her. How does He lead His church? He prays for her daily. He instructs her. He speaks words of encouragement to her. He gives tender rebukes when necessary.
Husbands, what is the goal Christ has for His church? V. 27 ; that He may present to Himself the church in all her glory, "having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless."
Now we misunderstand the Apostle if we see him giving us simply the loftiest examples to attain to. Husbands, you cannot go to the cross for your wife. You cannot sanctify her. Do not press the analogy between you and Christ too far.
But husbands, you are undershepherds of Christ to your wives. God has given them to you temporarily to be His agent to accomplish His purposes. Here is to be your goal for your wife; to present her back to her Savior without spot or wrinkle.
Paul gives the analogy of loving one's own body to describe the love between a husband to a wife. "No one ever hated his own flesh." We naturally dislike pain; we naturally do not want to look bad; we naturally protect ourselves.
But Christ naturally did the opposite; He considered our lives more important than His own. That is to be our nature. Being sinners by nature we cannot do so apart from Christ's nature in us, and us abiding in Him. What the world does naturally, love themselves; we are to do by Christ's nature, love our wives as ourselves.
In Christ we can now naturally seek our wives' best interest as we would our own. Husbands, you may use the idea of headship to make sure everything is done the way you like it, but you won't find justification for that kind of headship in the Bible. With Aristotle yes, with the Apostle Paul, no. Christian headship puts our wives' needs ahead of our own.
But the Apostle is not yet finished. He invites us even further into the mystery. Husbands are to love their wives because we are members of Christ's body. The unity between Christ and His church was the pattern for marriage from the very beginning. That is why Paul goes back to Genesis in v. 31.
Did you ever wonder why Genesis says that in marriage it is the man who leaves his parents to cleave to his wife? From a cultural point of view do not both leave their parents? But what was marriage patterned after? The divine Husband who voluntarily obeyed His Father by leaving the glory of his Father's house to come and to unite Himself to a bride; and they are now one flesh. The best picture on earth of that mystical union is Christian marriage.
But earthly marriage is a temporary institution and thus pales in comparison to that which it represents. How are we to understand this unity we have with Christ, even that we can be said to be of His same bone and flesh? The Apostle's response, "this is a great mystery."
In case your mind is still on the earthly example, Paul adds, "but I am speaking of Christ and the church." Is Paul losing focus again? Snap out of it Paul, we're talking about husbands and wives here. Paul does come back down in v. 33 with the word, "nevertheless." The Apostle cannot make one statement about Christian marriage without elevating the discussion to Christ and the church.
A marriage is Christian when it is centered on the Lord Jesus Christ and the gospel of redemption. A wife submits in Christ because by faith when she submits to her husband she is submitting to her beloved Savior whom she loves more than all else.
A husband loves his wife as he is constrained by the love of Christ for him. A wife therefore who does not reverence her husband is not reverencing Christ. A husband who is not loving his wife is not loving Christ.
Now Paul and Jesus do not contradict each other. Jesus said that unless you hate your wife in comparison to Me you cannot be my disciple. Thus only as you grow in your love and knowledge of Christ will you grow in true Christian love and respect for one another.
How grievous it must be to the Lord when His people tell the world that their marriage is successful because of certain principles they have mastered. As if you can glorify God in your flesh! As if the gospel itself plays such a minor role in the development of your marriage! As if Christ and his glory are not enough to motivate you to obedience!
Now, what about the rest in the congregation; the widows, the singles, and the children? Was the Apostle leaving them out of the discussion here? No, this applies to each one of you because in Christ you too have entered into the mystery. That which temporary marriage represents is yours eternally. If you should not taste of the example you will surely, and dare I say more fully, taste of the reality at the Bridegroom's return. Already you have begun to know the unity you have with your Savior.
Husbands and wives, God has given you the grand privilege of living out the great drama of redemption to a sinful world. Wives, please don't make it difficult for your husbands to do so. Do not resist his leadership and make what was meant to be a joy turn into a trial.
And husbands, do not make it difficult for your wives to submit. Cherish her as your own self and she will easily long to submit. Fulfill your roles in the knowledge that you serve the living Savior. Live out of the mystery; and love out of your love for our Beloved Husband, the Lord Jesus, who has united Himself to His church that we may be His eternal bride. Amen